This Might Hurt Your Feelings.
A friend and I were talking the other day about something I think about a lot but am often too afraid to express.
As a coach and trainer, my job is to help a person achieve the change they desire in their lives. Maybe they want to lose weight, tone up, feel better, look better, be more confident. I’m supposed to help them make those changes.
What helps facilitate those changes & new habit creations is a relationship with this person. (It’s also just pretty inevitable given the circumstances.)
Add into that equation the fact that I’m a deeply empathetic person & hyper-aware of how I’m being perceived (to a fault) and that’s where the problem-I’m-too-afraid-to-address arises.
I notice myself skipping out on honesty with my clients (and friends, family, etc.) on several occasions— not because I want to lie to them, but because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
In our check-ins or training sessions, they will say things like, “I ate like shit this weekend,” or “I’ve been so bad this week,” and in an effort to preserve our relationship (or so I think) I am quick to soothe this discomfort and sense of guilt they feel by saying things like, “That’s okay! You’ve been so busy,” or “I’m sure you’ve been fine. Don’t worry about it!”
But the truth is: it’s not fine. In fact, it’s directly inhibiting your ability to change if you continue to indulge in your old habits, and I’m doing you no favors by excusing your behaviors for you.
It’s a conversation that’s hard to have with others and also with ourselves.
I’m not the only guilty party here. You’ve done it, too, with yourself & with others.
A friend says, “Omg I’m so fat,” and we rush in with things like, “No you’re not! You look great!” or “Oh please. Shut up.” All with the best of intentions, of course (not to hurt their feelings.) I’m not encouraging you to call your friend fat, but I do think we could do better by our friends by saying instead, “Look, it’s not helping anything to talk shit about yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable where you’re at, what do you think you could change?” or “You’re not fat. You might have gained weight but you’re still a great friend and good person and maybe it’s time to make some changes.”
I think especially these days, where the body positive & “everyBODY is beautiful” movements are alive & well, it’s easy to hide behind self-love or one of these movements as a way of excusing our unhealthy decisions or states of being.
My intention for myself moving forward is to be more honest with my clients about the effects their choices have on the fruition of their goals, and my hope for you is that you can find the courage to be honest with yourself about where you are in your health so that you can then start to make the appropriate changes.
Check out the instagram-version of this here & let me know what your thoughts are!
Do you agree?
Do you struggle to be honest with yourself or friends/family about the nature of your/their health circumstances? Reply to this email (or comment below if you’re reading online!) with your thoughts.