If you think you aren't allowed to do/be these things, I'm curious what standards you hold others to?
Do the people around you-- your loved ones and strangers-- have to meet these same expectations you have for yourself? If so, I hope I'm not one of the people around you.
What things do you believe you're not allowed to do/feel? Is it really true you're not allowed to do/feel them? How do you know it's true? Do you wish it weren't true?
Here's some great news to go along with this friendly reminder: you're in charge of your beliefs. Our self-constructed beliefs can also be self-deconstructed beliefs. It won't be an easy process, but the alternative is continuing to live under beliefs that burden and bury our truest selves. I hope you're not okay with that.