LIFE: Mind-Altering Concepts pt. 2
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Did you read Monday’s post yet? If not, jump over there for 5 minutes before you dig into this baby.
I hope you’ve had time to let those 2 ideas sink in & grab hold of you.
How did it feel?
Was it as game-changing for you as it was for me?
I wanted to take a couple minutes to briefly explain my experiences with these ideas in hopes that they might trigger some similar thoughts & feelings for you.
First of all, the heavier hitter out of the 2 for me was #1: Everything in your life, you either create or allow.
I really didn’t want to accept this for obvious reasons.
You mean to tell me the sh*t feelings of doubt, inadequacy, confusion & self-consciousness I get around my career are things I’m creating or allowing? I beg to differ! Why would I create or allow such uncomfortable and draining feelings?
I sat with this for a while.
I’m certainly claiming responsibility for the creation of these feelings— by not putting it out there and giving it a fair shot, I’m not even giving myself a chance to succeed, and by not succeeding, I feel doubtful and inadequate for the things I want to do and be.
At the same time, though, allowing these feelings to persist is where I had the biggest a-ha moment.
I, like you, am not particularly thrilled about owning my role in the negative feelings in my life. I like to point my finger out there and say “You made me feel that,” and “That makes me feel this way.” But the reality of the situation is, like ole Madame Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” What I feel, and what you feel, is certainly sparked by other people and events, but the igniting of that feeling— that’s within our realm of consent and allowance.
Thought #2 is one I had often as a teacher but never considered a second use for until recently. As a teacher, when my class as a whole (or a large majority) was misbehaving, missing a concept, acting out, or otherwise being “bad students,” I tried really hard to ask myself, “Who am I being that they are not shining?” In other words, "How might I be contributing to this situation being less than ideal?"
Now, as a sister, girlfriend, daughter, coach, trainer and friend, I find this question just as useful. When a friend or client is falling short of my expectations, I ask myself, “Who am I being that they are not shining? How am I acting, what am I saying (or not saying) that is giving life to this negative situation?”
And that has changed so much of my world that it’s impossible to describe here.
By taking responsibility for things I once put off on other people, I’ve been able to transform frustrating interactions into pleasant, learning experiences because I have accepted my role.
When you are arguing with your partner, not getting the reaction you want out of a co-worker or client, or having an uncomfortable interaction with someone— try to shift from “Why aren’t they saying what I want them to say/doing what I want them to do” to “What am I saying or doing that might be influencing their actions.”
Most of us, most of the time, have a reason for acting the way we do. Could it possibly be that you are contributing to the reason someone is acting the way they’re acting?
I’m curious to hear how these thoughts impacted you if you took the plunge and let them seep into your life and interactions. Hit “reply” to this email if you’ve got 5 minutes to spare & care to share your experiences with me.