You Stressin' You Out
"You're stressing me out."
"You made me mad."
"You're annoying me."
"You hurt my feelings."
"You're giving me anxiety."
How many times have you said one or more of these to someone (or something?)
("You" here is not always a person. Sometimes I say out loud to the universe/God/karma/whoever: "YOU'RE STRESSIN' ME OUT!")
The truth, which Eleanor Roosevelt hit on many years ago, is this: no one & no thing can "make" you feel anything. It's just easier to cast the blame outside of ourselves than it is to admit that perhaps it's us & our own "baggage" that we bring to each & every situation that "makes" us feel the things we don't want to feel.
It's not anyone's fault but mine that I am stressed, anxious annoyed, hurt, angry. That's not to say other people or events do not trigger or contribute to those feelings arising inside of me, but I give myself anxiety & stress by looking at reality and saying, "Why aren't you different?! Why didn't I get what I wanted?"
This is not a way to release others from any participation in our feelings. It's not to excuse anyone from the ability to touch those sensitive spots we all have inside of us. It is, instead, a way to take responsibility for our roles in all of our feelings.
It's not to look at your partner or friend & say, "You have no access to my emotions. You cannot influence the way I feel." It is to say, "I recognize that my emotions are just as much my responsibility as they are yours. I accept the truth that you do influence the way I feel, but only because I have given you permission to do so."
I cannot think of a single negative emotion that is not somehow tied to my own selfish expectations or desires.
I expect a loved one to behave in a certain way & they don't: so I am angry.
I want a day/event to go a certain way & it doesn't: so I am upset.
I imagined things differently than they actually are: so I am anxious.
I want to know the answers now, not a year from now: so I am stressed.
To cast our unwanted emotions outside of ourselves & to give others complete control over the way we feel is foolish. It's cowardly. It's the easy way out.
Your feelings (good & bad) are your responsibility.
In other words: Ain't no body stressin' you out.
You stressin' you out.